'24/7' - Counting the curses - 01-06-10

Written by Seth Rorabaugh on Friday, 07 January 2011 3:00 pm.

Note: The following is a "play-by-play" account of this week's episode of '24/7: Penguins/Capitals Road to the NHL Winter Classic."

0:03: The show begins with a look at the construction of the rink at Heinz Field. In an almost cruel way, plenty of snow flakes are shown falling throughout the process. Given the warmer weather we endured Saturday, you almost wonder how this game just happened to the white stuff.

0:06: Mike Lange gets some much overdue face time on the show finally as he's shown in his broadcast booth at Consol Energy Center.

0:07: Pascal Dupuis is shown exchanging a few love taps with Thrashers forward Bryan Little. Little slashes him on the leg. Dupuis utters something which involved a four letter word.

0:08: A goal by Crosby against the Thrashers is show. Mario Lemieux is shown in his suite. He roots, "Go Sid. Go go!"

Mark Letestu's dazzling goal against Atlanta's Alexander Burmistrov is shown:

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-A re-direct goal by Matt Cooke is shown. He tells Crosby, "Good ___ shot!"

0:09: We begin to immediately question Matt Cooke's salary cap figure when we discover his son has his own tailor-made suit complete with his name stitched into the breast pockets:

0:10: In Washington, Capitals coach Bruce Boudreau is shown in the locker room following a win. He informs his team they "competed their ___ off." He then informs them of an outdoor practice in Chevy Chase, Md. Explaining that all their luxuries won't be there, Boudreau says, "There's nothing there except your equipment. So don't expect to go to Chevy Chase and find a lot of the ___ that's around here."

0:12: As the team prepares for an outdoor practice, a few of the players have some fun with the eyeblack:

-Boudreau implores his team with one of the more adorable of his expletives "Come on you ___bums! Do it right."

0:13: The show focuses back to the Penguins and a 2-1 shootout loss on Long Island. In addition to the loss, Sidney Crosby also loses his point scoring streak. We also get one last look at that skeevy perv mustache of his:

0:15: A meeting between Ray Shero, Jordan Staal and Dan Bylsma in Bylsma's office is shown.

Shero: "If this was a game in Buffalo on Saturday, would this be the game he's targeting to get back at? If you miss another game or three games or whatever, it doesn't matter because in the bigger picture we want to make sure you make the right decision. And we're happy to get you back when ever."

Bylsma: "You know when you play you're going to be used PK and that's the plan. It's play eight minutes of ice time and see how it goes."

Staal: "What are you worried about?"

Bylsma? "What am I worried about? Just your confidence level being able to go out there..."

Staal: "Confidence with what?"

Bylsma: "Your hand."

-Shero, presumably mugging for the camera, then sarcastically asks: "What the ___ happened last night Dan!?!?"

0:17: Back to Washington, Boudreau is in a meeting with his team. "I'm sitting there going okay, Bruce you're ___ everything up on the power play. You're changing things. Your changing lines. You're changing this. Then I watch the power play and I get so upset. We're not ____ doing anything like we're supposed to. Nothing."

0:18: During a practice, Boudreau separates his first power play unit from the rest of his team: "The same power play guys down here. Five on O down here. The ___bums down there."

-A play breaks down. Boudreau says: "____ I'm ____."

-Boudreau ends practices by saying, "Let's just get to ____ Pittsburgh."

0:20: At Heinz Field, Pascal Dupuis offers a Steelers helmet for Evgeni Malkin to wear. Dupuis doubts Malkin will be able to put it on but Malkin assures him:

-During practice at Heinz Field, Marc-Andre Fleury allows a goal to Crosby and bellows out a "____!"

He then holds out a puck despite several of his teammates trying to jam it in as he sits on the ice. As he grabs the puck and chucks it down ice, Fleury yells, "____ off you ____! Get out of here!"

0:21: A shootout drill takes place with Fleury in net. Fleury pretty much provides commentary on every one of his teammate's attempts. Lovejoy comes down and is denied by Fleury. Fleury informs him, "That wasn't very creative Benny!"

-Staal attempts a shot. Fleury yells, "Come on you ___ ___face!"

-Staal is up again. "Oh you ____ face again?!?"

-Staal loses the shootout drill and is forced to climb to the top of section 527 and touch the sign as "punishment:"

0:24: The Capitals take the ice. Capitals forward Mike Knuble is denied by goaltender Michal Neuvirth on a shot. Knuble offers a simple "___ you Neuvy."

Boudreau instructs this team, "Hard passes. No ___ soft passes."

0:25: Boudreau: "It's an exciting event, but it's two ___ points we're going take off these ___ here."

0:27: New Year's Day morning. Bylsma tells Staal that he will play and, "On my lineup card, you're playing at center between Geno and Cookie."

0:29: Ovechkin has a little trouble with the translation with how to pronounce "Pittsburgh." We think:

0:30: Boudreau: "When we get a chance, if you got odd-man breaks or something, let's shoot the ___ puck or something."

0:32: Bylsma, who always embraces the ceremonial parts of this sport, is shown during the national athem with his fedora over his heart. The enthusiasm for the event is reflected bu his face:

0:33: After Ovechkin hits Zbynek Michalek, a referee warns Ovechkin, "You can hit all night, but don't leave your feet. You left your feet okay?"

0:34: Crosby is hooked to the ice by Green on the way to the net. Green is sent to the penalty box. The Penguins and Crosby lobby for a penalty shot. Crosby and a referee have an exchange:

Referee: "I give you a power play and got to give me ___ attitude."

Crosby: "Yeah because I watch ___ 80 games on TV this year and that's penalty shot every time. By the way, that was a ___ hook on the way in too!"

0:35: Cooke and John Erskine mix it up. Erskine yells "___ you Cookie you mother ____!"

On the way to the bench, Cooke and an official exchange words:

Cooke: "Seven cross checks in the back? Or 10? Who many is allowed? I got seven. How many is allowed?"

Referee: "If I missed seven I might as well quit if there's seven. If I missed seven, I might as well quit Cookie. SEVEN!?! Seven ___ cross checks I missed?!? Seven!?!?

Cooke: "I can dive to embellish it if you want!"

Referee: "I just missed seven crosscheck! I'm pretty ___ awful!"

-The fight between Mike Rupp and Erskin is shown. The cinematography of this scrap rivals any sort of fight scene in any big budget Hollywood blockbuster. Each bench drops several vulgarities while cheering their teammates.

0:40: Goals by Malkin and Knuble are shown. Who ever wrote narrator Liev Schrieber's script clearly hasn't watched the Penguins much the last few seasons. Schrieber says, "a rare lapse by Marc-Andre Fleury" to describe Fleury's stickhandling gaffe which led to a goal by Washington's Eric Fehr.

0:41: The hit by David Steckel to the head of Sidney Crosby is shown. Crosby is wearing a microphone but all we can here is a muffled collision.

-Cooke is shown getting stitches in his chin:

0:42: Instructing his team, Boudreau yells, "Keep everything deep. That's where we're having success. It's a grind-out ____ game tonight."

-Crosby is shown in the locker room. He appears a little dazed after the hit.

Prior to sending his team out for the third period, Bylsma says: "We're in the third period here at Heinz Field gentlemen. Let's ___ get puck in here. Get a ___ puck at the net and let's ___ win this third period here."

0:43: Cooke yells at Capitals forward Backstrom, "Slash me again I'll take your ___ teeth out Nicky!"

0:46: With 0:00.6 left on the clock. A skirmish breaks out. A referee yells "____ drop the puck! Jesus ____! Is that how you want to end it!"

-As the Capitals celebrate the win, Schreiber incorrectly explains that after every previous Winter Classic, the teams have shaken hands. There was no hand shake in 2008.

-Boudreau then yells, "Make them come to us. We'll sit here."

-"___ them all. Let's go! ___ them!"

0:47: Bylsma addresses a solemn locker room: "It's not how we wanted it to be. It was tough sledding out there. And we couldn't get the bounces to go our way. And we didn't play there enough and we couldn't get them to go away. But I know it was an awesome experience. We didn't get the result we wanted. Still sucks losing.... (hand clap) Been ___ fun to win that one."

0:48: Boudreau then pretty much caps off the entire series by sipping on a pounder of But Light: