The New York Times had an extraordinarily dismaying story on its front page this morning:
It seems that military trainers who came to Guantanamo Bay late in 2002 based an entire interrogation class on "coercive management techniques" - more commonly known as torture - that recycled a 1957 Air Force study of what the Chinese Communists did to Americans during the Korean War to obtain confessions. Of course, many of these confessions, having been extracted under duress, were false.
Unbelievable! When it comes to torture, we took our cue from the Reds and we couldn't even pick techniques that were reliable. If any more proof were required that the Bush administration's approach to the War on Terror has been incompetent and morally corrupt, here it is for all awake Americans to see. Unfortunately, the dark night of national snoring goes on.
While it is hard to decide whether to laugh or cry at this revelation that we have become no better than the Commies, I have to find a light side to it or go insane. So herewith, and with apologies to David Letterman, are 10 reasons why this news isn't as bad as it may seem:
1. While studies are permanently forgotten elsewhere in government, the Defense Department forgets nothing.
2. The military discovered that the menace we face is a worldwide conspiracy for world domination based in Moscow and Beijing.
3. Other old communist studies have not been tapped - for example, the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board's 1957 report - the "Customer Comes Last" - was not used on detainees.
4. Recycling is being taken to new levels at the Pentagon.
5. The expression "capitalist running dogs" disoriented and confused hardened jihadists when used in interviews.
6. Some detainees confessed to being lackeys of the capitalist class, which at least was some new intelligence to go on.
7. The Gestapo's archives were not consulted.
8. The prisoners did not get fortune cookies that predicted six more weeks of sleep deprivation.
9. When interrogators got information, they did not feel for hungry for more one hour later.
10. Because much of the information learned by following the cold Commie playbook is bound to be false, we don't have to worry.
Forgive me for these tasteless observations but I believe "Smile Bravely Through Your Tears" is the official motto of the Bush administration.