Celebrating the Fourth

My column is distributed by the Scripps Howard News Service with the result that many people around the country are left confused and bewildered - not to mention outraged and appalled. I get nothing out of this except strange e-mails from stranger places. Here is one I got this morning, in response to the column I wrote ostensibly about fireworks but really, in my sly way, about the Second Amendment:

I live in Lead, South Dakota, and today I read your column on fireworks.

I realize that you were striving to be sarcastic about the Supreme Court's decision reaffirming the 2nd Amendment.

I know this must pain you but, unlike guns, fireworks, abortion, capital punishment for child rapists, and civilian courts for captured terrorists are not addressed in the Constitution.

I found this column to be one of the most absurd and sophomoric I have ever read. 

I wrote back to this gentleman, as I do with everybody not on the List of Doom, and said that if it was true that this was one of the most absurd and sophomoric column he had ever read then I would have to congratulate him on living a sheltered life.

If I lived in Lead, I might too.

While I hold no hard feelings for critics in Lead or anywhere else, this note neatly explains why my brain needs a rest for a few days. I intend to stand up for America by taking numerous naps. In waking moments, beer and hotdogs will be heavily involved. Thus refreshed, I will return to blogging next week.

To all my readers, a Glorious Fourth.