Grieving is a process that's necessary for healing

It was with disappointment that I read the May 5 article "Some Grief Is Tough to Beat." Apparently this information is the ongoing research in the Late-Life Depression Evaluation and Treatment Program at the University of Pittsburgh under the direction of Dr. Charles Reynolds, a geriatric psychiatrist.

It would be interesting to know if those patients displaying "complicated grief" had previous histories of depression prior to the loss of their loved one. The article states that "for most people, the death of a loved one triggers a period of grief that lasts about six months before the slow climb back to normalcy begins."

As a bereaved mother, a clinical psychologist and a certified grief educator, I need to correct and clarify this information. It is important for grievers to realize and accept that the grieving journey is not a destination but a process and it is never over. The intense feelings in grief do soften and become more manageable but may return at times even after years. This is normal. It is also important for grievers to recognize that they will never be the same person they were before the loss.

And as grief is not an illness, a disease or a psychiatric disorder that requires treatment, the medical model of Dr. Reynolds' program will probably delay healing. This model is always based on "fixing" grief with medication, as pain and suffering are seen as something "wrong." In truth, it is only the pain that heals grief. If avoided or medicated, the griever will not heal.

It was also disappointing that no mention was made of the value of self-help/support groups in managing and coping with grief. In my expert opinion, participating in one of these groups would, in the majority of grievers, eliminate the need for treatment or medication.

LILLIAN L. MEYERS, Ph.D.
Bethel Park
The writer is program chair for The Compassionate Friends (for parents, grandparents and siblings who are grieving the death of a child).