Rather, just some light reading to ease you into Aught-9.
* "I haven't had my kids teach me how to log onto" firenorv.com or nomorenorv.com, Bolts coach Norv Turner says in this somewhat revealing Q&A.
* J-Peezy is playing better even though he compiled zero sacks the past two games, Fins coach Tony Soprano...er, Sparano said of this ex-Steeler.
* In honor of commercial star and now three-time NFL MVP Peyton Manning, who, if he comes to Heinz Field next week should be serenaded with cheers "Cut that meat," . . .[UPDATE: Click on the comments, where Arr blessedly found that Saturday Night Live anti-spot that we couldn't locate.]