Monkey business

I have difficulty figuring out family relationships. I understand what mom and dad are and I am not befuddled by brothers and sisters. I also can place cousins and nephews in the family tree.

But what is a great aunt anyhow? What is so great about her? That's what I want to know. And how about a cousin once removed? I have at least one of those but I don't know why she was removed.

It's enough to say, "I'll be a monkey's uncle!"

Unfortunately, that just got more confusing. The headline on a front-page story in the Post-Gazette this morning reads: "Monkeys Have Two Mothers Due to Cloning Techniques." Yikes!

Given that monkey mothers must worry a lot about their offspring getting up to monkey business, they are probably grateful for another mother to share the worrying load. Still, it threatens to get impossibly confusing for the rest of us.

A word to MyReply, who asked if I was being paid to write this stuff. Yes, MyRepy, a great deal of money, huge amounts. It's is part of my merry-quip-and-jest compensation package.

Actually, MyRepy, I made that high compensation part up to make you feel more miserable than usual.

A word to Scarletpumpernickel, who asks if guests dip while dancing at the better class of cocktail parties I attend. Certainly they do. I have myself danced over to the dip at such affairs. The onion dip is my favorite.

It is important, however, to extend a pinkie in the manner of taking afternoon tea while holding the chip or cracker to be dipped.

Hope that clears it up.